How It Went

I went to the therapist this week and it went really well. I was so nervous and jittery before I went because I was worried about what to say to her, if I would like her, if I was really help-able and if she could really help me. She was so good and understanding and helpful. I think the sessions are going to go well and that she will be able to help me.

Some surprising things came out in the session that I didn't see coming: the first being that I have moderate depression - that is borderline severe. I never saw myself as that way; I just figured that I was having trouble dealing and coping with all that is being thrown at me. I don't want to take the medication route yet; I just don't think it's for me. And especially with what Constance the First has said about starting her medication and with what my mom has told me about trying to get off the medication, I'm not quite sure that I would want to go through that. I know what people are going to say: it's so worth it and makes a difference, but for me I would like to attack this with the therapy and learn how to deal with the situation better rather than just turning to medication. I hope that I don't offend anyone by saying that; I know it works for many people, I'm just not ready to try it yet.

The other very surprising thing that my therapist said was that she thinks that my husband has a sex addiction. We talked about it a lot and I just thought the things that he did were just because "he's a guy;" that's what men do and the problem lies with me. But it's not that way at all. When I started putting my foot down and saying no to some of the stuff that he was doing to me, the marriage started to fall apart. I thought it was my fault. It was such a relief to know that it's not that way at all. I know that I am at fault with some things, but not in this department. She wants me to talk to him about it, but that is going to be a little tricky. I still haven't told him yet that I am seeing a therapist. So I can imagine the conversation is going to go something like this:

Me: Hey Husband, my new friend that I pay to talk to thinks you may have a sex addiction.
Him: I think your new friend is demented and delusional.
Me: That's funny. She thinks the same about you.

So now, this problem has just become a lot more complicated. It's not just me not dealing well with life, it's depression, sex addiction, and a failing marriage. Somehow, I have to figure out how to convince him to go to marriage counseling and then maybe even some counseling for him. That's not going to go over well. And the fact that the therapist wants to see me once a week along with marriage counseling, I'm not sure how we are going to come up with the money to pay for it all. I'm not ready to let this marriage fall by the wayside and I want to fight for it, so I will do what I can and try to make the money work. And now, I am actually looking forward to my appointment next week.