When I was in high school. I had a group of girls that I was really good friends with. But the three of them lived real close together while I lived across town. There were so many times when I would ask What are we doing tonight? and the answer would be nothing, only to find out the next day that at last minute they decided to get together and go do something fun. I have never quite figured out why they just wouldn't call me up and wait for me to come along. I even had my own car and parents who didn't care what I did. I guess waiting an extra 15 minutes for me to get there is a long time to wait, after all.
Last Sunday, I was at church talking to a couple of (different) friends, 2 of which I am really close with. The three of them all live right close together too. One of them mentioned that they might get together and play games that night. I told my good friend to give me a call if they do because I am suppose to go have dinner with my in-laws - again - and need an excuse to get out of it; or at least leave early. She said that she would. I never got a call that night and just figured that they didn't decide to do it.
The next day, my good friend text me and said that she was thinking about me and asked if I'm doing okay. I nearly cried because I was so happy that she cared and frankly, things have not being going well at all lately. But being the idiot and guarded person that I am, I text back that I am hangin in there. Over an hour later, and still no response. Any hopes that I had that maybe I could talk to someone and have a friend to just listen to me, were dashed. Feeling confused, I just text her again and asked if she and the other girls played games the night before. She wrote back that they did, but it was just a spur of the moment thing. Over the course of the conversation, she said that they played this one game, twice, for several hours. I was hurt.
I felt like that poor, pathetic 16 year old girl again, sitting on her bed, knees up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, crying; wondering why I just can't be a part of the group. I know it sounds all insecure and like a pity party, but it's just how I felt. I really don't feel like I have ever really fit in with people. I do have a couple of really good friends and I thought one of them was this one girl so I am just confused as to why she won't just call me up and ask me to come on over. And come to find out, they get together quite a bit and play games and do stuff. Maybe it's because I live too far away. Two streets over is a long way to walk, after all.
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6 comments:
I've found the book "He's Just Not That Into You" extremely helpful for situations such as this. The book is about romantic relationships, but it applies just as well to friendships. It really helped me to make SENSE of these weird situations that don't seem to make sense.
I graduated high school over 30 yrs. ago (yikes) and remain friends with several gals from school, 2 of whom live nearby tho we only see each other occasionally. Our third girlfriend, who has always lived out of state, visits once a year and makes it a point to have lunch with me when she is in town....where she regales me with stories of how much fun she and the other 2 had the night before... yada yada. It never ceases to hurt my feelings. And I always end up whining about it to my husband because the woman SEEMS to be sensitive and kind (to others!)....so why wasn't I invited?
I can SO relate to your statement about being the pitiful 16yr. old again....and I hate it.
This is totally me. These sorts of things happen to me frequently with the one friend (?) I've made here in my new hometown.
Ugh.
F*ck 'em, and the horses they rode in on.
I always end up getting friends like that, and frankly, I'd rather not have to deal with it. Maybe that's why I haven't got any friends!
You are a nice person, and you deserve to have nice friends.
i know exactly what you mean and have felt that sting too many times. i'm always the outsider - and sometimes a new person will come along and fit in fine with the others - so it's not always just because they've known each other so long...it's just me that doesn't click with them. i really have no idea why and perhaps switsles' suggestion to read that book is one i ought to look into...but can it be that *everyone* is just not that into me?? :)
kim
We are all like The Island of Misfit Toys! Kim, I don't think that it's not that "everyone" is just not into you - or the rest of us for that matter - it's just that we tend to click with just a few certain people and we just have to find those people. I have a couple of really good friends that I do click with; they both just live far away.
It looks like I am going to have to start throwing "Pity Parties" for all of us misfits in the Constance lobby!
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