Just Average

I'm not overweight, but after all my kids. I feel fatter than makes me happy. I'm at my highest, non-pregnancy weight and I want to be skinny, or at least thin so that I feel sexy and pretty. To me, my butt is too big and my face is too round with no defined jawline. I get tired of my husband telling me that I am not fat just so that he can get some. I am not happy with the weight that I am at, but am not willing to give up my food that I enjoy nor that "Yea for me; I didn't beat my kids today and now they are all in bed" treat. I wouldn't think of going in to one of those weight loss centers because I'm sure they would just laugh at me and tell me that I wouldn't qualify. But I am not strong enough to do it on my own. I just like to eat too much. For my height, I am top of the range of what's healthy and I don't want to be at the top, I want to be in the lower end. And here's the thing: I want to be thinner just so I can look hot, not for my health. Couldn't care less about that. I want to be thin, not just average, and buy clothes that look good on me and make me feel sexy. Not for my husband; just for me.

And exercising? Yea right. I love to run, but how am I suppose to find time to do that with all this motherhood stuff that I have to do? I just get too tired and there isn't enough time in the day. And I can't leave my little kids at home alone so I can go and run. That's called child endangerment and the cops tend to frown down on that. If only I were rich enough so I could hire a personal trainer - or at least a daily babysitter so I could go and run. I just don't know how others do it. Guess I'll just have to stay this way until my kids are old enough to leave home alone. Or until I win the lottery.