I'm sitting here in tears writing this. I think that I may just win the Worst Mom of the Year award. The reason being, I have this daughter who I just can't stand. She makes me so mad. And over the top angry. And guilty. And like I am the worst mom to have ever lived. And she's only 8. She has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder-basically she disagrees with everything no matter what. Like I'll say "You're shirt in on backwards" - "no it's not"; "You need to clean your room - "No I don't"; "The sky is blue" - "No it isn't." You get the idea...). It is the worst thing a kid can have. At least if it were diabetes I could just give her a shot and send her on her way instead of hating her every minute of everyday. She makes my life a living hell and makes me wish that I never had kids. I don't like being her mom and don't know what to do about it.
I always believed that home was where your kids could come and no matter what happened in the outside world, they would be loved here. But I feel like I am failing her. I get mad at her and yell at her first thing in the morning and it lasts pretty much all day because she does such stupid, stupid things. It makes me wonder if I have even taught her at all to be a good person and make good choices. This morning, she bit a hole in her school pants just so she could wear them out to play. Brand new school pants that I just bought a couple of months ago nonetheless. Who does that!?! What the hell is she thinking!?! So, being the fantastic mom that I am, I made her go and change her pants and then sent her out to play just so I wouldn't have to be around her.
I want to love her so bad; I want to see the good in her; I want to be a good mom for her and have her know that I love her. But I just don't think I am doing a very good job of any of that. She just makes it so difficult to love her and see the good in her. And all I can think now is, How the frick am I going to last another 2 months of this until school starts? It's like this every summer. At least with school, she's being kept busy for a good part of the day. I do have her in a couple of summer activities, but they don't last near as long as school does. So she is home doing ridiculously dumb things and defying everything I say to her. It honestly takes every ounce of energy I have to not beat her. Isn't that just awful? What kind of mom am I? I don't know what to do with her or about her. And I just don't know what to do so that she knows that she is loved by someone in this world.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
your honesty is really refreshing since most blogs that we read all about how fun a kid is or bragging about all the stuff they can do. i am glad to see i am not the only one.
it's hard to be a parent. it's got to be so tough constantly have a defiant one. i get really frustrated with my 3 year old because her fave word is NO! so sometimes i yell and get frustrated, but i always try to hug her and love her throughout the day. i don't think it means anything to her really, but it makes me feel better after being frustrated all day.
hang in there, and maybe try to find some things to keep her busy this summer.
Oh, I'm really sorry! That sounds AWFUL! I mean, the situation sounds awful---your reaction to it sounds totally understandable.
Thanks guys for making me feel better and maybe, just maybe, that I'm not the worst mom in the world. I'm glad that someone understands and doesn't think that Child Protective Services should be called on me. I really do try to love her, but it's such a challenge to even like her most days. I can't believe I just said that. I'm going to go back to feeling guilty and awful now....
Post a Comment