There's this kid in our neighborhood who makes my difficult ADHD/ODD child look like an angel. I'll call him "Chris." He is so awful that while I was gone on a trip, he took my other daughter's favorite -and rather sad- little blanket and ripped it in two. All I could say was that it was a good thing that I was on another continent when that happened because I would've fried him.
The thing is is that he is friends with my son. My son could be classified as a "good kid' - does what he is asked, never much of a problem maker, does his homework and chores without complaint; things like that. I really can't stand it when "Chris" comes over to play but sometimes, my son has no one else to play with and they tend to have fun together. But he is a bad influence and does naughty things that my son would never come up with on his own. I wish my son wouldn't play with him.
My husband thinks that I should let them play together because he thinks that my son could be a good influence on "Chris." That's all fine and good, but I am more worried about "Chris" being a bad influence on my son - especially as they get older. There have been a few times already when my son has come back from playing and told me that "Chris" did this and this, but he didn't do it; he just stood back. I'm worried about the day when my son gives into peer pressure and wants to fit in and this is the type of kid he fits in with. I don't want my son to end up anything like this kid because he is on a slippery slope that just ends in muck.
But at the same time, I don't know how to tell "Chris" to not come around anymore and not play with my son because then I just come off as the snooty mom who won't let her kid play with anyone. And my son is sad that he has no one to play with. I'd really like to think that my son would be the better influence and keep "Chris" out of trouble, but I just don't see that happening. I see it the other way around and it worries me.
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3 comments:
Sometimes, "problem" kids really do need a friend to show them how to behave. Looking back, I've realized that I was that person for some of my friends growing up and I respect my parents for giving me the chance to stand up for what I believed in.
If you let the friendship continue, try seeing the times when your son comes home with stories about "Chris" doing something that your sone didn't participate in as "teachable moments." Here's your chance to talk about what "Chris" did, why your son didn't do it, and how he could handle it in the future. Maybe he can learn to be the guy who says, "hey, that's wrong. Stop it or I'm leaving."
And better that he learn how to handle that while the stakes are smaller.
Just a thought.
It could be a teachable moment and I think we all deserve grace in our lives (I know I do:) ...but be careful. When I was in college, my psychology professor did an experiment in class one day. He had a student stand on a chair and try to pull another student up to his side....it was hard without some cooperation. However, he then asked the student on the floor to pull down the kid on the chair....it was pretty darn easy. He was using this to illustrate what he thought about peer pressure....it's easier to pull someone down than bring them up to your standard...bad usually wins. If this child even starts to gain a foothold on your sons heart, do not hesitate to banish him. And you might be surprised, if your good kid is anything like mine were, he will probably decide to do that on his own.
Thank you both for your insight. It has really helped to gain perspective on the situation.
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